Shop Our Collection
Hurry! These household items won't last long! (They probably will though)
Thunder Wand 3000
Not your grandmother's kitchen appliance... or maybe it is? Multiple vibra- uhh, mixing speeds.
✨ 347% increase in bandha engagement*
*Not medical advice. Not tantric therapy. Just vibes.
Kurt's Old Glove
Pre-broken in for your pleasure. Perfect for catching... anything. Authentic leather with years of experience.
✨ Activates root chakra on contact
Definitely not therapy. Probably just a glove.
Shop Vac Ultra
It sucks... in a good way! Powerful suction with multiple attachments. No questions asked return policy.
✨ Mula bandha activation through negative pressure
This is a vacuum. We think.
Shower Head Deluxe
Multiple pulse settings for that perfect shower experience. Water-resistant (obviously). Gets those hard to reach spots.
✨ Uddiyana bandha stimulation via hydrotherapy
For external use only. Not medical hydrotherapy.
The Kitchen Dominator
Beat it... beat it good. Multiple speeds, all-metal construction. Comes with safe word.
✨ Aligns all 7 chakras simultaneously
*Award from ourselves. Not tantric stimulation.
Industrial Paint Shaker
Shake things up a bit. Professional grade. Warning: May cause uncontrollable excitement.
✨ Kundalini rising through mechanical oscillation
Not medical advice. Just shaking paint. Maybe.
Massage Ring Pro
For your... fingers. Yeah, that's it. Waterproof, battery-operated, comes with discrete packaging.
✨ 432Hz frequency for optimal bandha resonance
Not therapy. Not medical. Just nice.
Electric Love Brush
Gets into all those hard to reach places. Multiple vibra-clean settings. Waterproof for your protection.
✨ Pelvic floor engagement while brushing*
*Multitasking not scientifically proven.
⏰ SALE ENDS IN: NEVER! ⏰
(But we'll keep saying it's ending soon to create urgency)